It is important to meet people where they are. When I say that, I mean it is important to not expect more of a person than they are willing to give. It becomes easy to project your ways or your feelings onto someone else. Just because YOU would do or say something a specific way, does not mean someone else will.
One great example is when you ask someone that is habitually absent to finally show up. Some people have friends that never show up physically, but they are continuously invited. They are invited every time, and the expectations are there. Then, once the event starts, the person is nowhere to be found. They are absent physically, but it is no surprise. Why does it feel like a surprise though? Why does the abandonment wound feel the same every time?
It is because hope and expectation are there. Hoping the person would change this one time because that time is special to you. It is time to meet that person where they are and not hold high expectations for people with low expectations.
Another great example is telling someone to stop doing something that is hurting you. You tell the person of past transgressions, and they tell you to stop internalizing the situations. That response should tell you how much the person cares about your feelings in relation to theirs. They may care about your feelings, but their feelings matter more. You know that if the person really cared about you, they wouldn’t do it in the first place. Why did the response come off as a surprise to you though? Why did that make you angry?
Sometimes we want more from someone than they are willing or capable to give at the moment. Some people have never been able to extend themselves, and it is time to accept that.
I said all of this to finally say .. stop internalizing situations, let people/situations go, and meet people where they are.